When I imagined myself entering the Crone phase of my life, I saw a very idealized vision of myself at that stage. Somehow, magically, I would transition to Cronedom ever so gracefully. My long auburn hair would gradually and gracefully transition to snowy white. Though lined and creased from living life, my skin would still manage to be taut and supple. And my body would magically shed any excess pounds, leaving me a willowy and radiant old woman. Finally, all the wisdom earned and learned in my many years of life would distill itself into something I could grasp and articulate to those who needed to hear it.
If that is who you came for, this is not the place for you, lol.
Alas, my reality has been more turbulent and messy than graceful and tidy. And though I know I have gained wisdom in my nearly 6 decades on this glorious planet, I still struggle to articulate it. Or to believe anyone wants to hear it.
So this blog will likely be like me: a little messy, a little turbulent, a little funny, a little wise, a little lost, and a little found. Above all, my goal is to always be real and speak my truth from the heart. To share my struggles, celebrate my triumphs, dispense any wisdom I can channel from the Divine, and learn from anyone who cares to share with me.
I don’t have a plan around how often I will post. Weekly? Or at random? Probably when the muse strikes, which is sometimes elusive. But for accountability’s sake, I will try to commit to at least one blog post a week until I get my blog-sealegs under me. I hope you’ll join me for this journey into my Crone Age Daydreams.
Yesterday I had a particularly moving and cathartic daydream. Actually it was a guided meditation by my favorite astrologer, Chani Nicholas (@chani.app). It was a meditation on self love. In it, she asks us to envision a part of ourselves that we find challenging. A part that maybe we deny or neglect, abhor or reject. I’ve done this meditation several times before, but this time a new part of me came. It was my baby Crone body. She sat down facing me with her ruby dyed hair with grey roots showing. With her sagging neck flesh. With her 30+ extra pounds of belly fat which has been impossible to shed since transitioning into menopause. And I really saw her for the first time. How ashamed she is to not be the graceful, willowy ideal. How hard she is trying. How tired she is from all of that trying. I felt such tenderness for her. Such compassion. Such love.
We sobbed together as I mentally repeated the affirmations of love, acceptance, and validation that Chani was saying. The transformation in her was astounding as the words landed. With just a little sincere love and acceptance, she transformed from skittish and ashamed to radiant and proud. She told me she wants to be called Persephone. (Because she is a shadow-spelunking badass who is unafraid of the Underworld, duh!) I laughed and agreed wholeheartedly. And when Persephone folded back into Dawn, when we became one again, I felt the most tremendous peace.
Oh, I still carry the extra pounds and sagging flesh. I just see them differently now. I see her – Persephone – MY BODY – as my ally. She is my temple, my muse, my vehicle, and my guide. Seeing her this way, I know that we are forever changed.
Welcome home, Persephone. You are welcome here. You are wanted here. I promise to do better by you going forward.
And welcome to anyone who passes through here and stops to take a peek. You are welcome here, if your intent be to harm none.
Let’s dream some dreams.
❤️